In Search of

No matter how many iterations of writing classes I took, they never failed to emphasize the importance of a thesis statement. I always struggled with that because when I first begin writing, I never know the piece's purpose. Maybe it's taboo to admit that.

It doesn't change its raw honesty, though.

Here's another hard to swallow truth: I have, perhaps, never felt more lost. Amidst tiers of angst about dying, I can't shake the feeling that I bought a ticket to nowhere. It's good here. My renewed attempt at accepting spirituality reminds me often of the gratitude I feel to be here.

I don't hate myself. I don't feel like somebody else. Contrary to the song I chose by Lianne La Havas today. Who knows what awaits at the river's source? Perhaps the shock of having lulled to this destination is the best outcome. Heck, I don't believe I was asleep at the wheel. I made intentional choices. I guess I'm just surprised that they led here; a good place, a confusing place.

I wrote a thesis of my life sometime in the past three decades, but when I got to writing the chapters, I lost it somewhere. If my frustration in those writing classes is any indication, I chose a thesis and hitherto seem to have discovered a different purpose. That's what this publication, Compile Down, is foremost about. I think I'm in search of something, and I'm using this publication to fill that void. There will indubitably be randomness here. I'm trying to stretch as far as my hands and feet will go across time and space to find things that have historically and currently brought me joy.

Maybe they can help me answer my current thesis: what am I searching for?